Dear Berkley: We're Trying to Move You Out of the Chicken Coop, We Promise

Well, we're supposed to be moving into a real house, that we own. Our Realtor says we have been approved to buy a short sale by the bank who holds the current mortgage. But, we were supposed to get paperwork saying so today, and didn't. This is delay #243687 in this process. In fact, there have been so many delays that now we just assume that when we hear something will happen on a certain date, we add a month.

Anyhow, if we don't get it tomorrow, we start looking for another house. The market is tanked, houses are for sale super cheap everywhere and all we want is a well built house with 3 bedrooms in a decent neighborhood. Should be pretty simple to find before it gets too cold and we have to buy all new clothes use ours are packed away in storage.

Dear Berkley: Thanks For The Drive By

Every so often, Berkley will stop whatever he is doing and come over and hug someone.

Often it's sort of a drive by hugging, because there isn't always time for you to respond with a hug back.

You just get squeezed, he lays his head on you a quick sec, and then he's off to do the next thing, wailing like a banshee.

Dear Berkley: Come on Man, You're Not Going To Pick Up Ladies Like That

Berkley has shoes, finally. People are always asking Courtney why Berkley doesn't have shoes. Well, he just started walking this month. So, she got him some shoes. Pedipeds.

When he wears them, especially when he's just in a diaper and the Pedipeds aimlessly doing laps around the house, I can see what he'll look like as a 90 year old. Drooling, always hungry, rubbing his belly, pacing around the house, farting on everything he passes. This is also how I look extremely hungover, sans the diaper.

Dear Berkley: You Scream A Lot

Berkley doesn't know a lot of words. He's got "mama" down, 100% success rate on that one. He's pretty good at bye bye. I'd say that one works 40% of the time. "Ball" is going well if there is a ball present, in his hands. That's a crowd pleaser.

Other than that, he screams like a 14 year old girl at a sleepover. I decide to chase him around the house? Screams. He wants something? Screams. He's hurt? Same general scream. So, if you decide to stop by our house, bring earplugs, because there's lots of screaming.

Dear Berkley: I'm Sorry About Your Nose

Last night Berkley was tired when I came home from mountain biking about 7pm. He goes to bed about 7:30-8, so this makes sense, but he was especially tired and not so full of energy as normal.
Earlier in the day, he had skipped his afternoon nap, but instead laid on my chest watching football for about 20 minutes, while Courtney went grocery shopping. I could barely keep from crying because he's never hugged for that long, or been that still since he could... move.
So we got him in his sleep sack, and brought him into our bed. Then he just layed there on his back playing with two pacifiers while Courtney sang him songs. Again, he just laid there, so still.
While he was there on his back, I noticed how perfect the curves were from his forehead down to the bridge of his nose, and then around the tip and down to his lip. No bumps, no undulations, nothing. Perfect curves. Flawless skin.
I'm sorry son, but this will not last unless there was a mix-up at the hospital. Your mother and I both have big honkers, and mine looks like someone took a ball-peen hammer to it in my teenage years.
So, I suppose there is some super-remote chance you won't get our huge honkers, but likely you will grow one some day. We're sorry. Hopefully you'll be funny, or smart.

Dear Berkley: Try Not to Be Bonkers Over Jesus

When I did "log onto" the Internet and read some news, I was surprised to find a controversy about a proposed Muslim mosque at ground zero. Wow. I was shocked the congregation would even try. So, I did a little research, and have come to realize my country is full of crazy people who really just want to be sure they are only surrounded by people who are just like themselves. I'll tell you why, based on this latest news event:

1) This "mosque" isn't even AT ground zero. Its a few blocks away. People visiting ground zero most likely won't even see it. So, who cares? Once you say Muslims can't worship a few blocks from ground zero, what's next? A few miles? A few states?
2) It's not JUST a mosque. This is a community center. It has a proposed basketball court inside of it. Computers, library, food, etc. Should hospitals be called churches because they have worship spaces inside?
3) People say "it's because its MUSLIM" and they are the ones who bombed the twin towers. WHAT? Seriously? Is your view of the world THAT narrow? Ok, fine. I'm going along with this one. By this theory, and the ones above, anyone who commits a heinous crime in the name of Christianity deems is inappropriate to have a Christian church in that vicinity forever more. So, basically all Catholic churches have to go, right? I'd like to sign up for a cut of the Vatican's cash. Seriously, Islam didn't bomb the twin towers. A few crazy people did, and used the most extreme view of their religion as a crutch. People do it in the name of Jesus all the time. Remember the Crusades?
4) Christians, Jews, or whoever can't get all up in arms about a right our country was built upon, and dismiss it in the same sentence. So, if you want the right to worship whoever you please wherever you please, it might be best to relax about the Muslim community center. Maybe even use it to your advantage. Go inside, have some good food. Find out what's good about a people you've likely been reviling since the worst of those people did a bad thing. Lord knows I'd be in bad shape if everyone viewed me by the worst actions I ever made, then went and viewed all white, upper middle class Christians by the same actions.

The Changes We Make For Our Children

We decided to move for Berkley. Or for me. I suppose we'll find out as time goes on.

But leaving for work before 7am and coming home after 7pm wasn't working out since Berkley gets up at 8am and goes to bed at 7:30pm. So, we took an honest look at our life in Winston-Salem, and realized there wasn't anything keeping us there. The house could be sold, the friends could be kept up with, and my relationship with my child could become something more than people sleeping in the same house.

So we sold the house in Winston, and have moved to Greensboro. We're in a rental right by my office until we can buy a house that is in "short sale." This short sale is akin to catching an eel in a bucket full of snot. It's no fun, and nearly impossible. But, we should save a ton of money. Sweet. We'll use it on Berk's college fund, which is going to need approximately 40 gajillion dollars in 18 years in order for Berk to attend a school where the majority of students aren't from that county.

I'm extremely thankful for what used to be a chicken coop, but is now our rental home. It's less than 2 miles from my office, and I get to have lunch with the fam some days. I'm also enjoying the 3 minute drive, although now I have no idea what happens in the local or national news. I opened up the web and read CNN and WSP online the other day. It turns out not much.