Monday, July 27, 2009

Due, or something like it.

Today is the "due date" for the baby to be born. What a crock. So I did a little research and it turns out "due dates" were originally calculated in the mid 1800s by a German doctor. (280 days) And no one has thought to re-calculate based on modern medicine and diet, different races, regional differences, or anything. Pure silliness.

So I did some more research, and there actually have been some studies done on Caucasian, American women recently. Like, since 1980. And they are pretty consistent. The average is really closer to 288 days. That's an extra week and a day, boys and girls. So for all of you who are "overdue" keep those numbers in mind. Maybe you're still early, just like Courtney and Para.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Alien vs Mommy

So, if you want to know what life is like for a 37 week mother and her unborn fetus inside, I can give you a simple script for your reading pleasure:

Mother To Be: "Ouch!"
Anyone Nearby: "You okay?"
Mother To Be: "Baby Kicked Me."

Mother shifts positions, rubs belly where she has been kicked, alien looking foot possibly protrudes from belly, mother goes back to what she was doing, and people nearby are either mesmerized or run for the exits after seeing the foot about to break through belly skin.


Mother To Be: "Woah Baby!"
Anyone Nearby: "What?"
Mother to Be: "Baby is Hurting Me, I can't breathe."

Mother shifts positions, breathes hard, goes back to what she was doing.


Mother To Be: "Ooh."
Anyone Nearby: "What's up?"
Mother To Be: "Braxton Hicks Contraction."
Anyone Nearby Thinks Internally: "I have no idea what that means, but it sounds and looks painful."

And on we go, hour after hour, day after day. I picked up one of those "What to Expect When You're Knocked Up" books yesterday and it said "...although you may want to hold your doctor at gunpoint and have her induce labor at your next weekly checkup, do not, your baby's lungs have yet to finish developing."

We don't have a gun (as far as you know) but I think I'm starting to understand why that sentence is in the book.