Behind The Curve? What Curve?

I recently read Courtney's post on all the things she hasn't done to prepare for our baby's arrival. And I pondered it for a few days before coming to this conclusion: so what?

Let's discuss these birthing classes. My buddy Jason and his wife went to one, and he said it was taught by a total crack-head who made them watch a birth (afterbirth included) on tv and then told them all that if you don't breastfeed your baby it's child abuse. Uh, nay. Not going to happen. I work in the hospital. Dozens of poor women come in there every day who haven't had the first day of prenatal care, and haven't even heard of a birthing class and by what I can only determine is a miracle of luck over and over, a healthy happy baby pops out. And all without the first new-age breathing technique. Bring on the drugs, forget the hippie-fied seances.

We did take a hospital tour. Very interesting. Reminded me of the hospitals I spend my time in, but for smaller people. They showed us a "birthing suite." I had been hearing this term get tossed around, and for some readson I envisioned the suites I stay in when I travel. Not exactly. When I go on a business trip I have 2-4 rooms to MYSELF. In this suite, 4 mothers are all giving birth in the same 4 room suite. It's a little trick they're playing with the words so they can bill you more. Maybe it's a suite because there is a bed for you and the baby in that one room, plus a tiny couch for sleeping. All in all it was a pretty nice room, but after hearing question lady (you know this woman, brings a paper full of questions to ask about everything under the sun when we're all just trying to get through the tour. Probably sat at the front of the class..) ask how long you get to stay, I found out that as soon as you deliver, you're OUT, and down to a much more drab, economical room. Super.

I admit it, I have been reading "What To Expect The First Year." It's on the bed-side table, and most nights I open it up and read something at random. Last night I learned that some babies have colic, which really just means they cry a lot, and you should not abuse them if this happens because babies...cry. Thank you, Arlene Eisenberg, you are a sage.

A pediatrician, before the baby is even born? Seriously? I have probably seen 50 different doctors in my lifetime, I'm sure Baby Willis will do the same. Whatever. I'll take whoever is in the building that day. Or I'll just call some friends and ask who they use, then wham, we're done. I've got news for you: it's all of you crazy parents demanding unnecessary tests and procedures that got us in this health-care mess to start with. Now Obama has to bail us out, for about $3000 in taxes per adult. That's 1000 boxes of girl scout cookies I could enjoy! Think I'm crazy? Read on:

I have no input on the childcare issue. If she works, we will get some childcare. Preferably a nanny type caregiver. If not, no problem.

I'll leave you with some wisdom:
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives hoping they will hurry up and walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!