Cashier, Ditch Digger, Whatever

I have to admit I get the same responses as Courtney when I tell people we're not finding out the sex of our baby, the color of the baby's room, and the fact we wouldn't dress our child in exclusively pink or blue even if we did know the sex: utter disbelief.

But honestly, dressing a little girl in pink all the time is silly. It's a baby, not an Easter Egg. I give two examples for your review:

1) Pink Baby

2)Non-pink Baby

Baby 2 is way more fun. Everybody knows it.

We also get quite a lot of flack for not having the ultrasound tech tell us what the sex of the baby is going to be. Well, see above. If everyone knew we were having a girl, we'd have 368 pink outfits, 48 pink blankets, and a room full of pink toys, in an ORANGE room. That would be just super, now wouldn't it?

Lastly, I would like to give my wife a little advice when people seem flabbergasted by her decision to not eat everything in sight and gain 80 lbs, or to have an Orange room, or not find out the sex of the parasite. I'll give it in scene format:

Scenario One, You're Not finding Out?

Cashier, Ditchdigger, etc: "What are ye havin?"

Courtney: "A baby"

Cashier, Ditchdigger, etc: "I mean a boy or a girl."

Courtney: "Don't know, it's not out yet."

Cashier, Ditchdigger, etc: "Well, you can find out before hand!"

Courtney: "We decided to be suprised, maybe a sack of money will fall out instead! Wouldn't that be a great suprise?!"

Cashier, Ditchdigger, etc: "I couldn't imagine not finding out..."

Courtney:"Yes, but then again you work a cash register/shovel all day, I'm betting there are TONS of things you couldn't imagine."

Scenario Two, You're Too Skinny!

Cashier, Ditchdigger, etc: "How far along are you?"

Courtney: "I was almost checked out and headed home"

Cashier, Ditchdigger, etc: "I mean with the baby."

Courtney: "Oh, 24 weeks."

Cashier, Ditchdigger, etc: "What, you're WAY too skinny, you need to eat."

Courtney: "Well, I sent some pictures in and I've been hoping Victoria's Secret will call me next week for their catalogue. When they call I don't want to be all, you know... fat."

We Have A Layette! We Have a Layette!

Well, I think we have a layette. Honestly, I have no idea. I do know that last week we took a little trip after work over to BabiesR'Expensive and registered for a bunch of things. And I do mean a bunch. Two hours of my life are gone and I cannot have them back. I may actually be dumber after this experience. Hard to believe, I know.

We started off by going to the Baby Registry counter and getting all "set up." That's what the chubby lady behind the counter said she was gonna do: Get us all "set up." Getting set up takes no less than 30 minutes, 29.8 of which she's just steady talking. This is not my style. I do the talking, you do the listening Precious. She told us about everything in the store. Showed us magazines with pictures of things... that are in the store. She showed us how to work the bar code scanner. For five minutes. Seriously? Grocery store workers use these things, I think we've pretty much got it. Point, bleep, spend someone else's money.

Finally, I just got up and left mid-sentence. I couldn't take it anymore. I figures I'd go check out the cups with the baby names on them for inspiration. I'm now liking "Crystal" if it's a girl. I'm hoping everyone in school will call her "Charity" or "Tiffany" for short.

We finally wrestled the scanner/bleeper out of Precious' hands and went to work. We got: A little chair a baby can sit in, another chair that the baby lays in and stops crying, a chair a baby eats in, a chair a baby rides in in the car, a chair you push a baby around in, another one for pushing a baby around, and then finally we got a chair to bathe the baby in. Obviously having a baby requires a lot of chairs. I had no idea. Hopefully the baby will walk someday, but I'm doubting it will need to with all the chairs we're going to have.

We also registered for clothes. I think this is a layette. For a while I thought a layette was something french babies used to fight with. But now I understand I little better.... as long as a little better = zero. But either way, we bleeped lots of unisex clothes. Orange, blue, yellow, green, brown, BLACK AND GOLD. Later I found out we registered for mostly boy clothes. Come to find out girls clothes are all pink and frilly. Retarded. We won't be getting any of those, even if we do have a girl. If we wanted to have Nellie Oleson we'd just rent the DVDs.

When it was all said and done we closed the store down that night. My life is really changing. I'm going from closing Finnegan's Wake and Opera House down to closing down BabiesRExpensive. So be it.

Hello? Has Anyone Seen My Wife?

Seriously, who or what has inhabited the body formerly occupied by Courtney? If you read her blog (over there on the right) you'll see I was at the ACC Tournament this weekend. And that was a great time. But while I was gone someone came in our house, snatched my wife up, and replaced her with some sort of person who cleans, paints, and is generally self motivated.

This was quite a gift in reality. I'm the "do-er" around here. Gutters need replacing? That's me. Cars need washing: Esteban. Kitchen floor dirty: still this guy. Something need to be moved: guess who? So for me to come home and find this whole room cleaned out, then painted was something else. I liken it to the Christmas I got a go-kart AND a jam box. "Ain't nuthin gonna break-a my stride... Nobody gonna sloooow me down. Oh no... " Anyhow, although happy I was pretty confused.

A quick Google search finally led me to the promised land. She had mentioned something about "nesting" last night. I had no idea what nesting was, so being a man I immediately ignored that sentence while she spoke it. But here, let me google that for you: Nesting.

So yes, Courtney is officially pregnant today. Last night I saw the results of her preparing a way for a baby by beginning to build a nursery. And last night I felt the baby kick me through her belly. So, now we have proof. I think I better start a college fund.

New Ultrasound Pictures

Baby Willis pictures are below. Before too many people get wound up... we didn't really ask to find out the sex, although apparently one can tell about now. Something about a turtle head of 3 lines. no idea. Anyhow, here we go: Para (short for parasite remember) at 19.5 weeks, I think.




Baby in 3D.



Baby hiding.


Foot. Reminds me of Pele's foot.


Arm flexing. Show it off baby!



Raising arms up over head. Looking for a high five. Give a baby a high five.


No idea. Arms, leg, proof of evolution?

Baby head, with fish eye. Sort of looks like Bill Cosby.

Why Do People Turn Into Retards Around a Pregnant Lady?

So, I was reading Courtney's blog (because see that's what I do:read hers, then respond here) and I was laughing at her story about Nigel saying she was different (fat), and not understanding it's because she's pregnant. It got me thinking about the truly retarded things people seem to do around a pregnant lady, or maybe someone they think is pregnant, but maybe isn't.

First, what's up with touching a pregnant lady's belly, when you don't even know said pregnant lady? Hello... invasion of privacy.

Second, is there some sort of reason why the most important question on God's green Earth becomes "how many weeks are you?" I've started answering this one with my age in weeks, rather than how many weeks pregnant Courtney is. It goes like this:

ME: I'm going to be a Dad.
CRAZY PERSON: Oh no kidding! How many weeks are you?
ME: (In the voice of a three year old) I one thousand, seven hundred, and thirty weeks.
CRAZY PERSON: Huh?

Lastly, there is this small matter of, uh, growth in the mother. And if the past week or two is any indication of the future, the growth is on. My wife looks pregnant, and I love it. But one time, someone looked pregnant, and I DID NOT love it.

It was my first day at a new job and my boss was asking me where I'd like to go to lunch. And so, noticing her pregnant belly (I'd estimate 7 1/2 months) I said, "Oh I don't have anything in mind, do you have any particular cravings?" To which she replied in a bit of a confused voice "Well.... no." Shit. I was so wrong. She had been pregnant, a few years back... So, I thought a second and said "Because on Mondays I usually crave a burger or something greazy."

Take it from me. Pregnant women don't usually want to be touched, asked how many weeks they every five minutes, and don't presume someone is pregnant until you've been given some proof.

17.5 Weeks and Illusion Reigns

So, undoubtedly if you're here you've seen the pictures Courtney posted of herself as she begins to show a bump. I swear, it's just a bump. In those pictures she looks like someone moved the decimel and she's 175 weeks pregnant. I'm THAT bad of a photographer. I somehow found the one angle, setting and pose where she wouldn't look anything her day to day self. In reality, she has this very cute little pooch, sort of like starving kids. Except starving kids aren't cute. They're supposed to look sad.

And since we're at 17.5 weeks, I should mention how nice those 17.5 weeks have been. For 10 weeks she slept, ate normally, and never pooped. Then I went out and got her some Senekot and she's been a farting, pooping, eating machine who actually has been awake because her energy magically came back. It's like having a brother! Except a brother who looks good naked.

She's also gotten a little spunky. for instance, since her pregnancy has been worry free (well, mostly) she's got it in her head we'll be going on the annual Myrtle Beach vacation to this place in her 35th week of pregnancy:

But the problem is that it's far to Myrtle Beach, and I envision us delivering in Orangeburg, SC, where the airport looks like this:

That would be just SUPER.

The Future Pele

Courtney has mentioned something about feeling the baby kick once or twice. Ever since then I've been shouting into her abdomen, begging the child to keep up the workouts. We need to get college paid for, you know. I also happened to have played a little soccer myself, so I know there are some great things about being a soccer player, like the hot chicks who flock to your side (see Courtney, for example). For more examples, I provide visual proof:

Girlfriend of German star Tim Borowski.


England's Ashely Cole has a girlfriend named Cheryl


Steven Gerrard dates this chickie:



As I was posting these pics, it dawned on me... what little Para is a girl? Well, we already know it'll be great looking, and she'll certainly play soccer. I think there's some sort of requirement for American kids these days to play soccer. So, I guess I'll just hope chicks this hot are attracted to her!